Leslie What
Haiku for Friendly Skies
(I. In Air)
Sixteen hours on plane
Tired, hungry, have to pee
Guess I'll write haiku.
Not responsible
For damage caused by error.
Watch your back. Ha! Ha!
Airplanes smell so bad
Pretzels, beer, burning fuel, PLUS
Somebody farted.
Folks, we're sorry, we've
Encountered turbulence. Please
Fasten your seat belts.
Although the bag does
Not inflate, the oxygen
Is flowing. Trust us.
One thing I don't get:
Carpeting looks newborn while
Plane looks elderly.
How come that lady
Got a whole can of soda
And I got a cup?
(II. At Terminal)
You've reached 555
555-5555
Please leave a message.
This telephone call
May be monitored or taped.
Service will improve.
Price does not include
State sales tax of nine percent
Plus gratuity.
Saccharine can cause
Cancer, but at least I won't
Be quite so chubby.
Smoking is allowed
Only in horrid room where
No one wants to be.
Books without covers
Can't be sold because the staff
Wants to take them home.
Feminine Hygiene
Products must be thrown away
In trash and not flushed.
(III. On Ground)
The WHITE ZONE is for
picking up or dropping off
only. And Parking.
Drinking while driving
Is illegal even though
We all did it, too.
Sign says Moose Crossing.
Why do moose get to cross there
Instead of the light?
Flash photography
Is not permitted unless
You pay more money.
Serendipity
Takes up the entire line, so
This haiku's over.
Leslie What has published fiction, poetry, essay and nonfiction articles in small press and commercial magazines including Lilith, The Writer, Fiction Quarterly, Fantasy & Science Fiction, Hysteria, and other places. Her work has been featured in anthologies from Overlook, Northwestern University Press, Ace, Warner, and other publishers. She was the ghostwriter for the memoirs of a survivor of the Warsaw Ghetto, and wrote a narrative script for an independently produced video shown on PBS. She has won awards for her fiction from Story magazine and the Lane Literary Guild and is a maskmaker and the Artistic Co-Director of What! Lunch? Enterprises.